Art & Soul post #39 by Elana Brownfield
About a year ago I first shared the story of the pivotal point in my faith journey in the column titled, He Called Me Out. In 2018 my world was turned upside down when I found myself in a mental health facility following an “atypical manic episode”. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me from a worldly perspective and the best thing that ever happened to me from a spiritual one. In He Called Me Out I shared how God showed up in the midst of my storm and spoke to me with vivid clarity. The first thing I heard Him say was “TRUST”. He reminded me of the lyrics of one of my favorite songs, Oceans by Hillsong United. I specifically loved and often sang along with the lyrics, “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders”. Little did I know that God would literally grant my request!
So many times, I identify with and hear my life experiences through the words of a song. Now, as I look back and reflect on my new closeness to God and how my life has changed since then, another song comes to my mind, Touch the Sky, also by Hillsong United. Take a few minutes to listen to the lyrics in this video:
“I found my life when I laid it down…Upward falling… spirit soaring… I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground.” These are the lyrics of the song that I identify with the most. It’s counterintuitive to think that if you completely give up control of your life, you would actually gain so much more than you had before. But that is exactly what has happened over the past five years as I surrender my will, heart, mind, soul, spirit, and body to Jesus daily. The words I would choose to sum up the song lyrics along with what I have found through my complete surrender are FREEDOM, PEACE, and LOVE. How are these three words connected to surrender? The answer to this question became clear to me when I was recently challenged by a fellow sister in Christ to ask God the Father about the secrets of His agape love, the highest purest form of love. This is what He revealed to me:
When someone completely surrenders their heart, mind, soul, and will to God, it enables them to relinquish control and trust Him. He can then begin to heal their fractured soul and they can enter into His storehouse of blessings. It also enables them to hear His voice more clearly; He can communicate with them directly about how much they mean to Him. They can then fully embrace and understand their identity as His child which changes and softens their heart to be able to receive His agape love.
So you see, complete surrender leads to trust, which leads to FREEDOM from trying to figure everything out on our own. God heals our souls which leads to blessings and PEACE. As we begin to perceive His voice more clearly, we are led to understand our identity in Christ and receive His agape LOVE directly from Him!
Surrender starts with a decision in our mind and then the follow-through must happen in our hearts. I had made the decision in my mind to surrender to God for most of my adult life. God reminded me of this when I was in the mental health facility in 2018. I asked God, “why me? Why did I, someone who has never had any mental health problems before in my life, have an atypical manic episode and end up here?” In response to my question, I perceived Holy Spirit saying, “look down”. When I did, I saw my youngest son’s mission trip t-shirt lying on my bed. It was a shirt that I “randomly” grabbed to put on the morning my husband took me to the hospital. The Bible verse on the back of the shirt stood out: “And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here I am! Send me.” (Isaiah 6:8) I immediately had a flashback to about sixteen years before when I remembered talking about that verse with God. I remembered telling God, “here I am, send me”. I was willing to go wherever He wanted me to go. I thought maybe He would send me on a mission trip to Africa or something. I never dreamed that He would send me to a mental health facility!
I may have felt completely out of place in the mental health facility, but I was right where God wanted me. I was His vessel… He surrounded me with His presence and used me as I have never been used for His purposes before. I spoke to the other patients about Christ’s redeeming love and His freely offered forgiveness and grace. I told them that none of us are beyond redemption and that we are not saved by what we do or how good we are. If that were the case, none of us would measure up. I remember feeling like the Holy Spirit guided every action and word that I said. Although I had never felt that I was very social or good at talking about my faith with others prior to this, God used me as His “light” in a “dark” place– a place where others desperately needed to feel His love and acceptance too.
When I recovered from my medical trial, I examined how I truly spent my time, how I made decisions, and what occupied my thoughts the most. I realized that although God was first in my mind, He wasn’t yet completely first in my heart. When I finally followed through with my full heart surrender, my life was transformed! It started with seeking His will for every aspect of my life and spending quality and quantity time with God daily. I asked Him to forgive me for all of the things I had done (and not done) that grieved His heart. I read His Word and received new revelations from His Holy Spirit. I asked Him to help me perceive His voice more clearly. As our relationship deepened, I learned to distinguish between His voice and my own thoughts. When I truly started to trust Him with every aspect of my life, I began to experience freedom, peace, and love like I had never known was possible! I felt a new joy in my soul! Fully Known, Loved, and Surrendered, the digital artwork shown above, was created to express how I felt and still feel. Now that I have fully surrendered every part of my being, I have found that I have always been fully known by God and He loves me despite my many faults and mistakes. I discovered that His dreams for my life are better than anything I could have imagined for myself!
I used Photoshop to combine many separate images from Pixabay.com to create my work. Pixabay is a website with over a million royalty-free stock photos shared by a generous community of photographers and artists. I would like to sincerely thank each of the photographers from around the world whose photos I used to create my artwork.
Looking back, I realize that I was “asleep” in my faith for many years. It took a dramatic event to “wake” me up. Through it all, God has changed my perspective on so many things. When I finally fully surrendered my mind AND heart, His truth replaced the fear and anxiety I used to feel during trials. He replaced these feelings with freedom, peace, and love. I shared a prophetic artwork and what He has taught me about overcoming fear, worry, and anxiety in the Art & Soul column titled, Freedom from Fear.
It truly has been a unique and unbelievable journey… a journey through a temporary storm that led me to joy as I have never known. Looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing. It sounds crazy, but I am actually glad it all happened. My life has come full circle now. God has placed a dream in my heart to use visual art to help people heal from mental health issues, fear, and anxiety– all things I have found victory over. This year, with God’s help and guidance, I will start to lead art inner healing workshops and seminars. I have heard it said that your test will be your testimony and your mess will be your message. That’s certainly true for me! It’s a beautiful thing when what could have destroyed us, leads us to fully surrender, draws us closer to God, and actually equips us for our calling! As Romans 8:28 (ESV) says, “And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” What mess or test in your life could lead to your future message and testimony? Where is He calling you? You may never know unless you are completely surrendered.
In His Love,
Elana
3 thoughts on “Surrendered”
Thank you for sharing your Faith journey with us. Surrender and trust- I needed to hear that message right now.
Please see below words from songs we sing at the Salvation Army Cwmbran Corps.
Dear Lord, I do surrender, myself, my all to thee. My time, my store, my talents, too long withheld by me. I’ve heard the call for workers, the world’s great need I see. O send me to the rescue. I’m here, my Lord. Send me!
Here am I, my Lord, send me! Here am I, my Lord, send me! I surrender all to obey thy call. Here am I, my Lord, send me!
Too long at ease in Zion content therein to dwell, whilst multitudes are dying and sinking into hell. I can no more be careless and say there’s naught to do. The fields are white to harvest, the labourers are few.
Here am I, my Lord, send me! Here am I, my Lord, send me! I surrender all to obey thy call. Here am I, my Lord, send me!
O hear now God of heaven. These vows to you I make. To thee my life is given ’tis for a lost world’s sake. To serve them I am ready though friends and foe despise, I now present my body a living sacrifice.
Here am I, my Lord, send me! Here am I, my Lord, send me! I surrender all to obey thy call. Here am I, my Lord, send me! (Salvation Army Cwmbran Corps)
All to Jesus I surrender. All to him I freely give. I will ever love and trust him, in his presence daily live.
I surrender all. I surrender all. All to thee my blessed Saviour. I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender. Humbly at his feet I bow. Worldly treasures all forsaken. Take me, Jesus. Take me now.
I surrender all. I surrender all. All to thee my blessed Saviour. I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender. Saviour, make me wholly thine. Let the Holy Spirit witness. I am thine and thou art mine.
I surrender all. I surrender all. All to thee my blessed Saviour. I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender. Now I feel the sacred flame. O the joy of full salvation. Glory, glory to his name.
I surrender all. I surrender all. All to thee my blessed Saviour. I surrender all. (Salvation Army Song Book)
Where are now those doubts that hindered all his will from being done. When I saw my Lord they vanished like a mist before the sun. No-one now to me is dearer. Daily I obey his call and there’s pleasure in his service more than all, more than all.
What would now to life without him? I can scarcely dare to think. Empty, purposeless and worthless, in despair my heart would sink. Sore temptations may beset me. Sorrow on my heart may fall but i’ll live with him forever after all, after all.
O the happiness he gives me far outweighs the toil and loss. Sweetest rest I find in leading weary sinners to the cross. No! I’ll never leave my Saviour, I am him whate’er befall and there’s pleasure in his service, more than all. Yes! More than all. More than all. (Salvation Army Cwmbran Corps Songster Brigade)
You call me out upon the water, the great unknown where feet may fail. When darkness comes and fear surrounds me, your sovereign hand will be my guide.
Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the water wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Saviour. (Salvation Army Cwmbran Corps)
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