Art & Soul post #11 by guest author Ashley Belcastro-
I used to be an atheist. The idea of God’s existence seemed completely bogus to me, especially with all the bad that goes on in this world. I would think to myself, “How could a loving, all-powerful God allow situations like child molestation, rape, sex trafficking, world hunger, concentration camps, and serial killings to happen?” I would say to others, “Even if there is a God, I wouldn’t worship him anyway because of all the horrible things he allows to happen on a daily basis.” I went as far as creating a special Pinterest board that was dedicated just to debunking the existence of God.
I was introduced to Christianity during my adolescent years. My father would take us to church on Sundays and youth night on Wednesdays. I never took it seriously. I would just go through the motions and try to believe in God because my dad said so. In my teen years, I had Christians befriend me and invite me to their church. I would participate and have fun, but I never truly believed.
After I became an adult, I went to church very rarely. I became a slave to many sins that I thought were not a big deal. It baffles my mind when I think about the person I used to be and the things I did that I thought were acceptable. I would get high on marijuana before and after work, drive under the influence, and drink alcohol and take opioids on my lunch break. At my first job as a deli clerk, I drank on the job. I would steal the alcohol off the shelf and hide it behind the deli counter. I stole groceries on a weekly basis. After all the horrible things I did, I still felt like I was a good, decent human being that contributed to society.
My whole life I felt like I was special, but in a weird way. I felt like I didn’t belong here and no one understood me. I thought maybe my life was all a dream and I would wake up soon. Something was missing. I could never quite put my finger on it. I would numb these feelings with chemical substances. I started to turn to new age stuff like healing crystals and burning sage. I started to become interested in witchcraft and even tried a spell that was supposed to make me lose weight. One day, when I really felt disconnected from reality, I got this idea in my head that I may be an alien. As silly as it sounds, I was beginning to believe this because of how uncomfortable I felt living on this earth. I thought it was the only explanation for this feeling. I was really searching for answers! I had no identity and no purpose. I was a lost, wandering soul. I eventually became emotionally numb and completely dead inside. I would think to myself, “Why am I here? What is all this for? What’s the point in even trying to live?” I would soon discover these answers.
On a Monday evening in August of 2020, I went to bed with horrible anxiety. I just couldn’t shake life on that particular day. I had been sound asleep, and then about two in the morning I was suddenly awoken with a jolt. All I could hear was the voice of God in my head. I don’t exactly remember what He said to me, but I knew it was Him without a doubt. I bet God had had enough of hearing the “alien talk” and thought it was time to wake me up!
I went downstairs and sat at my kitchen island so confused and thinking, “How could this be? God doesn’t exist!” But my heart was telling me differently. I felt His presence, and I could not get Him out of my head. I never went back to sleep. I waited until waking hours to text the only Christian I was close with, my sister in-law. I told her everything that had happened and that I didn’t even know where to start with this new knowledge of God. She has been guiding me ever since.
As soon as I understood that it was God who woke me up on that early morning, I started to flood my mind with the words and stories of the Bible and any other Christian resource I could find to help me on my journey. My heart began to burn for His Word. I was on fire, and the Holy Spirit was revealing things to me at lightning speed. I had no fear and was completely unstoppable. People at my work would start to come to me for prayer. I would intercede on their behalf, and healing would happen! God was working though me, and I was His witness to so many people. My heart was changing, and I had this supernatural force guiding my life every day. My anxiety and depression were gone. I stopped doing the sins that I thought were okay. I started to live for God and not my flesh. I tried to allow others to see God through me. I was a light shining bright, and it affected the people around me.
On March 14, 2021, I made the full commitment to be a Christ follower through baptism. I was spiritually on fire for a couple of months, but, by July of 2021, my life was beginning to turn upside down. I was faced with many trials, testing, and difficult circumstances. My faith was truly being tested. So many times I wanted to quit and give up being a Christian because I felt like I just couldn’t make the cut. However, every time I hit rock bottom, He would reach His hand down into the pit and pull me out of the dark. Before I was a Christian, I handled my difficult circumstances in unhealthy ways. Now, Jesus is my comfort and cure. How did I ever do life without Him?
God will frequently convict me of past sins that I still need to ask His forgiveness for. I will be doing some menial task, and God will just pop a memory into my mind. I simply say, “You’re right God. That was wrong. Please forgive me.” Praise God that He made a way for us to be guilt free and wipe our slates clean. When I start to feel guilty about something that I have done, I remind myself of this simple phrase: repent and move on. God does not want us to dwell on our past. He is a God that wants us to keep moving forward. Any past sin that you are dwelling on is time wasted; this is time He could be using you to advance His kingdom.
Recently, I went to a Christian All In women’s seminar that included an art activity led by Redeemer’s Heart. We made art inspired by the Holy Spirit using alcohol ink. First, we were asked to pray to the Holy Spirit to help choose our colors and guide us in making our creation. A blank canvas soon turned into something I wasn’t expecting. As I turned my canvas from landscape to portrait orientation, the black ink I had applied flowed into the shape of a heart! After my piece was done, the Holy Spirit inspired me to write down my thoughts and what the colors meant. This is what He told me…
There was so much darkness in my life before Christ. My heart was dead (black heart). Jesus made me new and washed me clean (blue). I am God’s beautiful creation with still room for growth (white).
When our alcohol ink creations were dry, we were asked to choose a verse written on transparency film to layer on top of our artwork. I chose one based on 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV): “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”
Jesus has made me a new person. I have been born again! All of my past sins have been erased and washed away. Jesus doesn’t care if we are perfect. He will keep pruning us which will allow for new growth! After all, God said it perfectly through Paul… “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6 (NLT)
Your sister in Christ,
Ashley Belcastro
You can purchase Ashley’s artwork as an 11″x14″ print or on a notebook from the Redeemer’s Heart Art for Charity Store. 100% of all profits will go to our current featured charity.
2 thoughts on “New Creation in Christ”
Ashley, thank so so much for sharing your story and artwork with us. Your testimony is inspiring and your artwork is beautiful! I love how Holy Spirit not only led you to create it, but to also how He encouraged you to share your story about it with us.❤️
Beautiful story! It gives me renewed hope for my children. I’m asking God to reveal Himself to them as only He can. “Do it again Lord!”
Thank you for sharing your story Ashley!
PS… you’re artwork is beautiful!