Art & Soul post #15 by guest author Kandace Cleland-
It was a chilly spring morning, 1967, and my parents had managed to get me and my three siblings dressed and piled into the Oldsmobile for our annual Easter pilgrimage to the Methodist Church. “Where the hell are we supposed to park?” Dad fumed as we exited the packed lot. We circled the block lined bumper to bumper with the faithful who had gotten there just before us to snag the closest spots. As our tires brushed the curbside Dad grumbled, “We might as well have walked.”
I could hear the organ pipes boom as we climbed the steps that led to the sanctuary. There, ushers frantically searched for a pew to accommodate our harried family of six. “If the little boys will sit on your laps, we can fit five of you over there,” a man said as he pointed. Then he added, “Perhaps this young lady can squeeze in across the way?” With a parental nod of approval, I quickly wriggled my way to a precious ten inch stretch of pew between two strangers who kindly navigated me through the worship service.
I don’t remember the sermon. I don’t remember the prayers. I don’t even remember the color of the pretty dress I wore. But I do remember the swelling of my heart as I breathed in the fragrance of Easter lilies and sang, “Christ the Lord is risen today! A-a-a-a-a-lleluia!” And I do remember the wonder and awe I felt as I looked at the wooden cross and imagined that stone rolled away from an empty grave. I sang with all the energy of my soul, “Lives again our glorious King, A-a-a-a-a-lleluia!”
On the car ride home, I couldn’t contain my joy. “When you sing that Alleluia song, do you get a feeling here, in your heart, like you know God loves you so much?” In the rearview mirror, I saw Dad shake his head and heard a dismissive chuckle, but Mom’s eyes met mine. She assured me, “Yes. Yes. That happens to me too sometimes. And yes, that feeling is God telling you that He loves you.”
It’s been fifty-five years since that Easter morning when I first felt the Holy Spirit fill my heart with the assurance of God’s love. I wish I could say that my childhood testimony grew and sustained me through my teen and young adult years, but with only an Easter Sunday Christian community, I simply followed a path in pursuit of the happiness that the world offered. This path led me to loneliness, sadness, self-loathing and regret. Gradually, I stopped praying, and eventually, like Peter, I denied Christ. I denied the Father. I saw no evidence of their existence in my daily life. I became more and more fearful of the world and my future.
Then one night, as a confused college coed, I sat wondering in quiet sadness on the campus hillside. I looked up into the starry night and asked aloud, “God, if you are there, do you really know and care about me? In all this vast universe of all the stars in the sky, do you really love me?” My heart swelled as I breathed in the fragrance of the hillside- I recognized that same rushing in my heart that I’d felt as the girl wearing little white gloves singing, “Christ the Lord is risen today! A-a-a-a-a-lleluia!” – and I knew again that God loved me, so much that He had given His only begotten son, Jesus Christ, to die for me, that I might live again.
Since that starry night, my faith journey has risen high to the mountain tops and has wandered low in the valleys. Through it all, I have held fast to the understanding given us in John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life.” (NASB) And I am convinced that everyone who seeks and asks will discover God’s love, and find the comfort, joy and hope to sustain them through life’s journey.
I painted this piece as an activity led by Redeemer’s Heart at their February 14, 2022 launch party. I found inspiration in one of the beautiful examples that Marci Burgett had prepared as a guide for the participants. I was drawn to her animated and layered brush strokes. This simple backdrop gave focus to the scripture verse which stood powerfully in the stark relief of white lettering.
As I patiently and carefully applied the verse to my white canvas, like a kid in a candy store, I considered the colors in the long line of paint dispenser pumps. I settled on brown for the cross to remind me of Christ’s very real sacrifice. I felt drawn to the aquas, blues, and greens to remind me of the world God created for me. I played with the opposite side of the color wheel to find light and balance. Once dry, I carefully peeled off the lettering to reveal the verse, and, with each word that appeared, I felt joy in my heart- just as I did the first time God assured me that He did indeed love me.
-Kandace Cleland
Kandace Cleland
Kandace is a retired teacher who serves as artistic director/playwright for Stage Left Players in Lisbon, Ohio. She sings in the New Lisbon Presbyterian Choir where she also served as Christian Educator for 15 years. She is Momma to 6 and Grandma to 7.
You can purchase Kandace’s artwork on a wrapped canvas frame, lunch bag, or notebook from the Redeemer’s Heart Art for Charity Store. 100% of all profits will go to our current featured charity. If you would like to purchase her artwork on a different product, just let us know via the CONTACT FORM.
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1 thought on “For God So Loved the World”
Thank you so much for sharing this story Kandy! Your words brought back memories of my own youth and attending church on Easter morning. It’s also a beautiful reminder of the love God has for each and every one of us!