Art & Soul post #31 part 1 of 2 by guest author Heather Pell–
Among my earliest memories are dark shadowy faces that would sneer and laugh at me. They called me names, told me I was no good, and filled me with fear. In order to escape this torment, I figured out how to climb out of my crib very early, and, looking back, I believe the Holy Spirit guided me through the process step-by-step. Their harassment went on for years. When I told others about them, I soon came to realize that I was different…others did not hear or see these dark spirits as I did. Because I was told to keep quiet about them, I often felt rejected, unseen, and unheard. The only one I felt safe confiding in was my grandma. I called her Busha which is Polish for grandmother. She understood me because she also saw dark spirits on occasion.
Busha was the one our Catholic priest would call on to pray for the souls that had passed on in the congregation. During many of these times, she was harassed by dark demonic spirits and often lived in fear as well. She and I would also see angels on occasion which always calmed us and filled us with peace. Busha took me under her wing, and we shared our spirit-realm experiences with each other. She always told me not to talk about them with others, or they might think I was crazy.
As a child, the Lord Jesus was also written on my heart, and I knew Him as my Savior. I had a good Christian foundation thanks in large part to Busha. She was a woman of great faith and taught me to love God with my whole heart. I have prayed and talked to God as far back as I can remember. I have grown over the years to perceive His voice distinctly in my mind through the Holy Spirit.
As a teen, I continued to love God, and I cried out to Him in my suffering. Despite my faith and closeness to Him, the torment from the demonic spirits followed me into adulthood. I went to a university to pursue an art degree, but the devil held me back from my identity as a talented artist. His demons told me I was not good enough and I was doing it all wrong. I started drinking alcohol which turned into a slow, creeping addiction as my habits became ritualistic. I come from a family of drinkers, but I knew in my heart that getting drunk weekly was not what God wanted for me. However, the devil told me I couldn’t create art without living in sin and using drugs or alcohol.
In 2004, Busha passed away. It felt like my heart was being ripped out. She was my best friend, and I didn’t know how I could do life without her. I tried to drink myself to death. While I was drunk and grieving her loss, I created a print that represented my heart being ripped open that I titled Busha.
For fifteen years, I believed I was unworthy of being recognized as an artist. I was unable to create new art while sober. I used weed as a medium to open up and create, and you better believe I was talking to God the whole time. I thought, “If I’m going to sin, I’m going to talk to God too.” Up to this point in my life, I loved Him the most during this season, even though my addiction had the best of me.
I continued to buy into the devil’s lies and succumb to the fear that consumed my life. I was a slave to the darkness. I was shackled by my fear of the demons that taunted me both day and night. In addition to my alcohol addiction, I had confusing thoughts and experienced an identity crisis…I didn’t know who I was. I even hated my name, Heather. I would cringe whenever I heard it because it felt too feminine for me.
“But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead.”
Ephesians 2:4-5 (NLT)
Through it all, the Lord was there trying to call me out of the darkness. The devil thought he had won, but God. That’s right– but God would have the final say! He spoke into my spirit and said to me…
“The desires of my heart for you turn night into day: in the face of the darkness, light is near and I see you.”
When I had my firstborn, Clara, at the age of twenty-five, I gave up everything. I gave up my art, the drugs, my friends; I gave up my life for that precious child. I embraced my identity as a mother. I started to read the Bible, and I began to see God through my children’s eyes. It was beautiful. From that point forward, I put everything I had into loving my children. My focus for many years was to help them develop their own art styles, and now all my children create.
At thirteen years of age, Clara is an amazing artist. I love her passion and her sober, prophetic view of the world through her art. God is alive in her, and she seeks Him.
I continued to love God, but in 2018 I fell back into my old ways as my addictions became part of my life again. I thought, “I just want to create art again, Lord.” For three years, I lived in a world of half-truths. I tried to have one foot in the world of sin and the other in the world of my Christian faith. In September of 2021, God spoke into my spirit again saying…
“Speak and see and take up the sword. The time is now. You can no longer be lukewarm as a child of the Living God. The time is now to share your testimony and walk in a type of freedom that is only possible through Jesus Christ, your Lord. Speak and heal. Come to me, and I will heal you, and I will use you to help heal the land.”
From that day forward, my snooze button stopped working; I could not silence the call over my life anymore. He gave me a choice. He said, “Do you choose life or death?” At that moment, I literally felt like I was dying. The devil took away my breath, and I couldn’t breathe. I asked God, “Is this how I die, Lord? ” He spoke to me again saying…
“Wake up sleeper; you have been asleep far too long, and you are a child of the Living God. I created you in your mother’s womb for a time such as this. I have called you by your name. Claim your name because your name is written on the scroll of life. You will join a long family line of Warring Women of Zion and you shall walk out the rest of your life with Me.”
The reality of what God was saying sunk into my soul. My time was NOT up…He had more for my life! He was calling on me to start living the life He had planned for me. I felt so convicted. I knew I was wrong to have one foot on the right path and one on the wrong path. I alone had the choice at that moment as to which path to take. I then said, “I want to LIVE!” and seconds later I felt Him literally breathe new life into me. I asked Him to reveal my sins to me, and, when He did, I wept and repented with everything I had in me.
Next, I asked God to free me from the demons that had been harassing me my whole life. Over the next several months, He did. Jesus used many different Spirit-filled believers and prophets to help me understand the truth about the power of the blood of Jesus which freed me from the grip of the enemy. I had many demons oppressing me, and the Lord gave me full deliverance. Looking back, I realize that, before this, I did not have my spiritual battle armor on for protection as I do now. Busha and I lived in fear all those years because we didn’t know we had power in Jesus’ name. I now live FREE and WITHOUT FEAR. My family is now a family of LIONS! We are heirs in God’s Kingdom along with Jesus, the Lion of the tribe of Judah. We finally know who we are, and we are more than ready to ROAR! The defeated one, the devil, has no say in my family’s life anymore!
When I had become a mother and made the decision to stay sober, I had given up all art other than photography because it felt like I had a creative mental block. Last winter, the Lord challenged me to come into my true creative identity and to create works of art for the first time in my life with no drugs, no alcohol…just me and my Heavenly Father. I didn’t think I was capable of creating art without drugs so I needed to take baby steps, easing back into creating artwork flowing only from holy inspiration. He had to teach me that art is a God-given gift that He alone gives me. It’s been transformative and healing to see myself as God sees me.
These paintings are so cool to me because they are my first attempts at painting sober. I couldn’t believe I did them! I gave them out as Christmas gifts to my family. My heart was so excited and joyful to gift them. At the time, I don’t think anyone truly knew how special and significant these paintings were. I don’t think they knew that I am in these paintings–the real me, the me that God sees!
God recently told me to digitally add scripture on top of the photographs of my paintings. The Holy Spirit inspired me to use four different scriptures along with the words that were spoken over me at a Christian women’s summit this past June that are based on Isaiah 41:18.
God asked me to begin seeing myself through His eyes and to embrace my identity in Christ. He taught me to see my worth. A few months ago, He called me His flower and asked me to look up the meaning of the flower that is called heather. When I read what this flower symbolized, I was filled with amazement. He then said into my spirit…
“Heather, you are important, innocent, and independent. You will have good fortune. Purple Flower, you are beautiful, you are worthy, and I respect and admire you. You are fully and completely loved by Me. I have chosen you for this time.”
Before He said this, I hated my name and didn’t know why I was given the name Heather. I never felt like a Heather. I did not love myself. I did not know who I was or who I was called to be. I have learned that we are all worthy. We are all chosen by our Heavenly Father. He calls you by your name, and your name was not given by accident. Your chosen name is Holy, and you are written in His heart. The kind of love that He holds for you is the truest, most pure love you could ever experience. His love for you is unwavering, and it is an everlasting kind of love. How precious is the One that is in me and in you!
We are all children of the Most High, Living God. If you are reading this, He calls you by name. He also calls you Child, Daughter/Son, My Body, Church, Beloved, and Bride. You are His! Jesus said, “If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray.” (Matthew 18:12-13, ESV)
I was that lost sheep Jesus speaks about in Matthew 18. He never gave up on me and continually pursued me. If you are a lost sheep, you need to know that your Daddy (God the Father) and Jesus love you very much! Breathe that in for a moment. Meditate on Their love. Let it fill your breath.
Lord, You have seen our shortcomings and our struggles. How often we fall short, but You still love us. We’ve all suffered and even suffer today. Some of us even feel like we’ve been to hell and back for Your Mighty Name. Nevertheless, we stand in PEACE and in WAR for You, Lord. We shall not fear the attacks of the enemy!
We are set apart as His children to share His good news and to take souls back from the devil, the defeated one. We must stand up and lay all strongholds at the feet of Jesus. They are no longer ours to carry. Your sins do not define you anymore. Lay them down now, and you shall be set free from those demonic strongholds. Do you hear the Lord’s call over your life? Freedom is yours to inherit…all you have to do is reach out and receive it.
Heather’s story will continue in next week’s Art & Soul column. She will share what God has laid on her heart regarding His urgent clarion call to artists in the Body of Christ.
Heather Pell
I am a child of God. I come from a long line of Warring Women of Zion. I married the love of my life. We have eight beautiful children, four in heaven waiting on us and four here on earth. All were masterfully created by my God, and all are so loved! My trades are being a mother first and secondly an artist.
5 thoughts on “Freedom Through Christ Because I Choose to Live!”
Heather, your testimony is so powerful and beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing! Beauty from ashes…all glory to our amazing God! I know He will use your story to help many others see the TRUTH too! Thank you Jesus!🙌🏻❤️🙌🏻
Thank you so much for listening to the call when you did not understand yet what the Father was doing. You girls made this possible. I love and appreciate you both dearly. ❤️🔥. I’m just so humbled and thankful right now. I’m so glad I get to be alive to witness this moment.
Beautifully written and illustrated! Thank you for sharing your heart and sole.
❤️🔥 Thanks so much girl. It’s all in God’s hands now. Such a weight was lifted when I laid all my past trauma at Jesus’s feet. I could finally breathe. I was shocked when he told me to speak about all of this publicly, I fought him a little at first, but he placed in my spirit that I had to. He is speaking to his people through his ecclesia. He is using me to spread the good news through my testimony. I am constantly blown away by our God and the miracles I have witnessed.
Sole as in walking this earth and soul!